Leslie Jordan never knew her grandfather. Her mother barely knew her father, for that matter. He left her and his wife and wandered the West, fancying himself as a beatnik writer. When he died, Leslie’s mother was given a chance to claim some of his possessions. She chose his writings.
“The Agonist” is inspired by those writings. Jordan was allowed to read them about a decade ago and saw some of herself in the fellow artist from whom she descended.
“I never knew him. I didn’t even know much about him when I was a kid,” said Jordan. “We got to know this man through his writing.”
In one of those writings, Robert S. Gott calls himself “The Agonist,” which is the term for a chemical agent that initiates a reaction in other substances. The album begins with an introduction of Gott and his lonely ways.
“There’s this person who on his own was a bit ineffective,” Jordan said. “But I’m hoping this album maybe brings some effectiveness to the story of his life.”
Gott had an extraordinary life. He was a sentry in the Texas desert, a poet roaming the West coast, and a lover to his brother’s wife. Gott was a man who struggled in interpersonal relationships and Jordan suspects it has to do with the one topic absent from his writings.
“I think there’s a lot to his story that was kept private and there was trauma from being a young boy drafted into the military,” said Jordan. “He went to Japan during World War II. He doesn’t write about his experience there, but I would assume that marks a man.”
Jordan has both an incredible voice and does an incredible job capturing Gott’s voice. She thoroughly transforms some of his writings into more complete stories without losing elements of the original. Gott once wrote from the perspective of a mother who was struck by her teen son and then struck him back. The specificity of the account leads Jordan to believe it was an event in Gott’s life, but she has no confirmation. Still, she tells the story well in a tense song, repeating that in every sort of relationship, people must “find the limit.”
“I’m not saying we’ve all had these moments with our kids, but I do think there are moments when feelings and emotions are heightened and we react in ways we don’t anticipate,” Jordan said of the characters.
Gott was often vilified by her mother’s family. They kept in touch through occasional phone calls, but things were always quite strained. Jordan is more forgiving of the solitary man after understanding a bit of what he went through.
“He was an addict. Even when he was married to my grandmother, he spent a lot of time in jail,” said Jordan. “Back in those days, I don’t know if rehab was a thing. He just needed more help than what he was given.”
“What I choose doesn’t always make sense,” Jordan sings at one point, describing Gott as a man repeatedly drawn back to a job in the remote Texas desert.
“He did a lot of it alone because I think he saw how much he hurt the people he loved in some of the darker moments of his life,” Jordan explained.
“Sometimes, Sylvia” is certainly evidence of that. Gott’s writings revealed he had an affair with his brother’s wife but eventually cut it off after reflecting on what they were doing. The song displays those complex feelings well.
Perhaps the most beautiful lines by Gott comes from “Requiem for Bobby.”
“Oh, all things, all things, you’ve finally learned to love,” Gott wrote in what was effectively a eulogy for him self. Jordan made the line the center of her closing track and teamed with the Milk Carton Kids for the sorts of harmonies she purposely resisted including on songs about more lonesome eras of Gott’s life.
Jordan suspects Gott knew his life hadn’t amounted to much and asked, “what if acceptance is the one thing I can show for myself?”
“He was always trying to make right,” she added. “I hope that toward the end of my life, I can come to terms with the messy parts of my story.”
All may not be healed between Gott and his estranged family, but there’s now connection and understanding on a scale unimaginable without that box of writings.
“Whether he did it intentionally or not, it really has become one of the greatest gifts for our family,” Jordan said. “I do know one of his deepest longings was to be a published writer, and he is now. I think and I hope that he would feel honored by that.”
Above is the full episode as aired on WUSB’s Country Pocket, including both my interview with Leslie Jordan and the songs we discussed, starting with The Fight, which you can compare to Gott’s original writing when Jordan shares it in the interview. The interview begins with the second video in the playlist. You can hear the show live every Tuesday at 12pm on WUSB 90.1 FM or check the blog to watch it as a YouTube playlist. Visit http://www.WUSB.fm and https://www.lesliejordanmusic.com/ for more.
Country Pocket 